Bullshit

My friend Sara at the Lock and Dam on a visit to Columbus.
photo by Sarah Wilson

"Aim low and avoid disappointments." "Expect nothing of people and you'll never come up short." "Trust no one: other people will always let you down."

These are pretty common phrases I've heard throughout my life when people aren't feeling well about themselves or others. They're also, what I consider to be complete and total bullshit.

I believe that good comes from even the worst situations. I believe in having faith in God and believing in the best of people as I think He would want me to. Most people would consider that idiotic. I've been told that you can trust someone and get your heart broken. or you could not trust people and cage yourself away from feeling anything. because when people knock me down over and over again, I get to feel real, true joy when someone finally comes along and helps me up.

The Lord never gives you more than you can handle, and I've tried my hand at sealing my heart away with cement. It's hard to get back again. But I know what a bad place that is, and I'd rather feel it when I get hurt than not be able to feel it when I'm loved.

Again

photo by Sarah Wilson

And here I go again, tears falling over him.
I thought I was over it; and I am, to a point.
Now the pain is like an old broken bone:
one that's healed well, but every so often,
it stabs me, ever so briefly - a single flash
to remind me of the misstep I made not so long ago.
No regrets, but I won't trip again.
Few regrets, but I'll never forget the fall.

To kiss or not to kiss?

Austin and Sara, the adorable newlyweds!

I'm back from a VERY busy weekend and trying to relax a little at 2am in my new, albeit temporary, digs. My friends Jaimie, Michelle and Jake are letting me squat at their apartment during the holiday break in return for some wild animal-sitting.

After the seven-hour drive down to Fort Walton Beach, I finally got to meet my High School best friend's fiance. I liked him and his family a lot. The wedding was beautiful and simple and I had the best time at the bachelorette party, which included a milkshake shoppe, a toy store and Walmart.

Sarah and Sara sippin' cherry-vanilla cokes and chili-cheese fries with the other bridesmaids at Johnny Rockets.

I got to spend some much-overdue and missed time with Sara, saw some old high school friends and was able to spend some time in warm, sunny Florida, which was decently sunny, but freezing as the abominable snowman. None of the bridesmaids or I were too happy about the knee-length, sleeveless dresses that day. The view from the hotel, however, was fantastic.

The gorgeous view from our hotel room.

One interesting fact about the couple: they had never kissed before they were pronounced man and wife. I find this strange. They say they refrained because they wanted to keep their love pure and free of physical temptation, but I just don't know how I feel about this. Two arguments:

first, the only difference between a very close friendship and your significant other is the intimacy (such as kissing, touching, hugging) that makes that other person more than a friend. Second: I like kissing. While I can understand and admire the idea of saving sex until marriage, I think that no touching whatsoever may be a step too far.

Yes, I know that in areas such as China, South Asia and the Middle East, arranged marriages where brides may never even meet or talk to their groom are often still practiced. But this isn't the way I was brought up. I was raised on Disney and fairy tales of handsome princes. I'm a product of the girl power, "you can be anything you want to be" and not needing a man to be happy.

So, so what if i want to kiss my prince (if I ever find him, that is) before we say "I do"? I don't think that makes our love "un-pure" in any way. I'm sure Adam and Eve were kings of making out. But if Austin and Sara are happy, I'm not going to judge their choice.

Question of the day: If someone feels indebted to you, should you let them give you things?

Thank the Lord

The Lord is so good. I was praying last night that my car would be all right and that I'd come up with the money to go to the wedding tomorrow and He just made it all come together.

I woke up, kicked an exam's butt, convinced MUW Community Living to let me say a couple of extra days so I could go to the weddings, got to spend some time with Jaimie whilst trying to figure out what was wrong with my car and met a nice man who worked in the building I broke down in front of who helped me fix the battery cable (which was loose and corroded). My Commercial Dispatch paycheck had come in. I paid a little bit of money on a few bills (slowly, but surely), cleaned out my car, made a giant sandwich and kicked out my last exam without breaking a sweat.

My pretty bridesmaid dress and shoes!

Now I just have to go take some pictures for the Dispatch and run into Beans and Cream to sub the night cleaning shift for a lady who got sick. I'll be leaving early early tomorrow morning and driving all day to see Sara and meet her hubby-to-be! I'm very excited and thanking the Lord for making sure everything came together for me.

God Bless,
Sarah

Rode home in the back of a cop car... again.

Quote of the Day: "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." -Shakespeare

I just had to get a ride back from downtown in the back of a cop car. My car just decided to die in the middle of the road, I'm hoping a cord just got knocked loose. I'm also completely out of money, and I need to drive more than seven hours in less than two days for my best friend's wedding on Saturday, in which I am a bridesmaid. I then have to drive all the way back home for another wedding on Sunday, for which I am the photographer. I also have to work that night.

I'm trying not to stress, not to doubt. I'm trying to trust God with everything. Pray for me please.
Thank you.

Yeah, this is what we do in college

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0_73a-ldLw

So Clemmie and I had to make a video for media technology class... this is what we came up with. Thank the good Lord for good friends... especially those who are willing to go along with just about anything I can come up with.

Cleaning Spree

My four newest areas of cleanliness.

I get the oddest spurts of organizing energy. These (usually) late-night, I'm-procrastinating-something-I-need-to-actually-do-or-maybe-I'm-just-bored, spurts have previously led me to completely organizing every piece of financial paperwork into color-coded, divided, multi-binder wonders, a freakishly organized under-counter area in my bathroom, a cleaning cart, seriously well-organized art supplies, and a CD/DVD/Back-up disc system that would knock your socks off.

I feel great after spending hours organizing and/or re-organizing areas, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. But I can't just turn the motivation to do so on or off at will. I wish I could. That would be nice. Maybe I can hone this one day and use it at will. But for now, I will probably continue to stay up late when I shouldn't and organize things that won't matter that much in the long run, while, of course, not doing things I should.

I blame Nietzsche, as I do often (his name is hard to spell and people rarely contradict you when you quote him). He gives us the perfect excuse to be a contradiction in everything and bathes in the love of it.

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star." -Nietzsche

So for now, my brain (and room) will remain chaotic... except in the four small corners the chaos within me decided needed to be cleaned.

Breathe

Have had "Breathe" by Michelle Branch stuck in my head all night. See the pretty cool video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQQZSL_tVsE&feature=channel

It's not unpleasant, slightly calming actually. It's almost five a.m. and I have no idea why I'm not sleepy. With my schedule normally consisting of constantly running around with no time to sleep, eat or even think, usually the moment I get back to my room, I pull off my pants and fall into bed. I often don't even make it under the covers. So it's strange to still feel a slight surge of energy. I feel like I should be reading my Bible or doing something similarly productive and self-advancing.

That probably isn't going to happen. My Bible is in my car (and not only would I have to put on pants to obtain it, but it's below freezing outside) and I'm between books, the next of the series that I'm reading ('The Dresden Files' by Jim Butcher, I'm on White Night[a truly excellent series, pick it up]) is still in the possession of it's owner, the lovely Sarah Crump (who I would like to congratulate for winning this year's NaNoWriMo [support the cause - I'm going for it one of these years]) She got me thoroughly hooked on Harry Dresden and continually prods me to wake up and go to Tae Kwon Do with her. (She'll kick your ass, have red hair and talk pretty doin' it people-- triple threat.)

Photo 1: Holiday love

When we were kids, we always thought about what we were going to get for Christmas. As a 21-year-old who is finally copping to adulthood, I've figured out that I like giving gifts better than receiving them. I love watching people's faces when they open something I've put a lot of time and thought into. And when it comes to receiving gifts, I honestly find more pleasure in the thought put into what I've been given than the gift itself. (Except the Ped-egg I got for my social club's secret santa gift from Katie. I love that she thought to ask around and figure out what I wanted, but boy do I love that gift!)But other than that...

Today I received my first-ever care package. It was an exam de-stress box which, as you can see, included bubble wrap, a spa kit, crayons, assorted candy, beef jerky (she knows I love beef jerky), a Bible word search and a My Little Pony activity book. She also wrapped the package in rope, which I will use shamelessly as a toy and/or to tie people up.

I was so touched by her thought to make me a care package filled with things she knew I'd love, especially when she's under pretty severe financial constraints right now. None of the stuff was expensive (thank goodness) and it was truly the thought involved in the gift that made it so great.

I also received a random "happy" from my friend Bekah, (you can check out her blog at 'Message for you on the wayside'). The awesome guitar pic earrings are adorable and have flowers on them. I'm assuming her thought process involved something along the lines of: "These are cool, I should give them to someone as a gift." *purchases* "Sarah has ears. She likes jewelry, she always plays with mine (I at least try to play with all shiny things btw, Bekah.) I bet she'd like these." *gives earrings to me and watches me smile ear-to-ear-which-now-have-said-earrings-on-them* Once again, a great sweet thought which makes me love the holiday season.

What to do about life

Watching: TV Guide, Psych, Monk
Procrastinating: figuring out what's on my exam tomorrow
Eating: nothing for once, I went to Night breakfast
Hanging with: My Little sis, Clemmie
Quote of the Day: "What lies behind and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm sitting in my favorite plaid pajama pants thinking about my life and what I should do differently with it. Being just one semester shy of graduation, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. Four years of study and I've developed a grand total of one skill: how to write for newspapers.

Having learned a skill that can be taken immediately into the work world(albeit in a limited field), I do feel that I'm better off than a lot of people coming out of college, say those with English, communication, math or science degrees that have basically spent four years preparing for graduate school. I wish my friends in these fields the best of luck furthering their educations beyond college, but I have no intention of going to graduate school at any time in the foreseeable future.
All that said, I don't want to work for a newspaper.
Yeah, that kind of throws a kink in the plans, huh?

The stress that accompanies newspapers annoys me. When you work at one, especially at a daily, you never stop. The moment you send one story to the "Ready to Edit" bin, you have to jump to the next one, which is invariably due within minutes. I would stay up late working on stories, get up early to do the same, and I would actually end up going home on my lunch break and napping instead of eating. It was terrible.

I did love meeting people and learning their stories though. It almost made everything worth it. I interviewed a 80-year-old couple who ride a two-seater tandem bicycle all over the continent; some girls visiting from Belarus, Russia to get some fresh, uncontaminated air and get modern medical treatment; and learned that everyone has an interesting story just waiting to be told, whether they're a banker or a person who cans green beans.

I love working with churches, summer camps, people; I love writing, helping people, doing things, really the only thing I don't like doing is sitting still. But I don't know what I'm meant to do with my life. I'm trying to be still and have faith that the good Lord will guide my path... and I know he will. But I sometimes wish He'd give me a little push in the right direction, a little clue, so I can prepare. Perhaps He has and I've just been too dense to hear Him, or maybe I'm not supposed to be prepared.

If anyone happens to stumble upon this, please pray for me about this issue.

Thanks!