I know we're all lazy to some degree. Save a few dynamos like my sister-in-law Beth who somehow both works and keeps a huge house immaculate. She also finds time to do all sorts of side projects like building, painting and selling birdhouses, jewelery, valentines day baskets, etc., and doing work at her church. She also always remembers to send birthday/anniversary/just-thinking-of-you cards/ thank-you cards, always perfectly on time of course; and is the most organized woman, financially and in every other way, I have ever met. But I have never been able to do any of those things, and despite a box full of thank-you cards and stamps on my bookshelf just a-waiting, I don't think I've sent a thank-you card since I was 10.
I think that if I had more drive, better self-control, I could be more like Beth, but I succumb to sloth every time.
Sloth's are cute, but unproductive.
I haven't vacuumed my house since I my new roommate moved in, which was almost five months ago. My room is a mess, as is the kitchen and other rooms of the house which I frequent and the majority of the mess is my responsibility. (My roommate is very neat, with the exception of an aversion to dishes, which I share and cannot blame him for. Fortunately he seems mostly indifferent to my newly acquired messiness as long as it doesn't directly affect him.) I used to be neat, annoyingly so even, but I also had smaller spaces of living to play with. But I have so much open space now... nearly 1500 square feet of it in my antebellum basement apartment. And it's so much easier to just clutter an area and move to a different one. I like my apartment, and love the rent and that I have space to stretch out and have company, but I hate that it's hard to keep up.
I hate being messy and having clothes on the couch, and the chair, and the dresser, and clean in the laundry basket. But I can't bring myself to take care of it all. I don't have all the time in the world, but I do have time. When I get off from work, I'm tired, but I could do productive things instead of relaxing with online TV until it gets dark or I have to go work/derby/do something. I could, and yet almost daily choose to do only a little, if anything at all. And I hate myself for it. I can do better... I will do better.
Always have I envied the people who get an assignment and immediately do it. They just do it. No waiting, no need for a deadline or pressure... they can just accomplish things. And then they're done. While I procrastinate (usually with excuses of "doing better work under pressure" or something equally lame). And I have a really bad habit of letting all my good habits fall away when one does. If I'm doing well, I'm doing REALLY well, with eating right and taking my vitamins, everything is in place, but If something happens and one thing falls away, like dominoes, everything falls down. And it is so hard to pick up all the dominoes in a set and then one-by-one replace them where they were... it's why very few people play dominoes.
So I'm a mess. I have a lot of self-destructive habits that need to be fixed, and I've found the mess to help me. I needed someone who didn't have everything all together to help whip me into shape. Why not someone with the golden glow of perfection like my loving Beth? Because a fattie doesn't want to take dieting advice from someone who's obviously never eaten anything. They won't be able to get it as well. Things that are habits for them are just that -- habitual, meaning they don't need to think about it. So how are they going to help me?
I will force-feed you a cheeseburger.
So J is my newly enlisted life coach, and though she may think she's unqualified, I think she's going to be amazing.... if nothing else, we're going to have some great stories to tell (much like the time we both got swine flu and went camping). I'm glad to be back, or at least trying to get back. And I'll keep updating on the journey.
