School Unsupplied

Stores are starting to stock school supplies. I can't help but wander down the isles fingering the binders, pens and notebooks, drinking in the bright colors, smelling the new, fresh paper. I've always thought school supplies smelled fantastic, like possibilities and new beginnings.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved new school things. I would beg my mom to take me shopping for them, and I would oh-so-meticulously choose what I would be bringing to school with me every day for a year. It was a big decision: you had to get the cool pens, the right markers; everything had to be perfect. And once everything was bought (and the ban to not use them until school started was issued), school couldn't come fast enough.

Summer was fun and all: swimming, camp, watermelon, it was all a blast, but I was always ready for the new school year to start. There was always a new class, teacher and books to look forward to, and honestly, just the excitement of learning made me smile. The love of school followed me all the way through college. There was always at least one class I was pumped for, and, even though it was college, the supplies for that special class were selected all the more carefully.

Yeah, I was a nerd. Still am and proud. There has always been a book on my bed stand and in my bag and I take notes like the security of the nation depends on it... but not anymore.

Now the school supply isles just ask me questions, tell me things I don't want to hear. "You don't need this stuff anymore, what are you going to do now?" "Come on Sarah, this isn't like any other year, there isn't anything waiting for you in the fall, you have to do something."

I've graduated now. Whoop-de-freaking-do. I have to do something with my life, anything really. What will make me happy is mostly out of the picture now. All the plans I had for post-college life failed or fell through, and that well-earned graduation money is nearly gone.

I've worked any job I could find since I was old enough to work. Waitress, delivery driver, call center telephone operator, cleaning lady, nanny, dog walker, retail associate, fireworks salesperson, you name it; I've done it. But now that I have a degree, I feel like I should at least be doing something a little better than I was before college. That's why we spend (or borrow) the $40,000+ it takes to get that little sheet of paper, right? It's fine to work the crap jobs when you're in school, but once you're out, you aren't supposed to work in food services anymore.

But so far, waving that degree hasn't attracted the attentions of many employers. In fact, I would have been better off had I just folded it up and used it as a fan to cool me during this hot Mississippi summer. The little work I do get to do in my field isn't enough to live off of, much less even contemplate those horrifying student loan payments approaching fast, ready to strike at me as mercilessly as a stepped-on snake.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, maybe be another college graduate working at Kroger until I can find something better, hopefully, I won't get stuck there like some people do. And the worst part is that about 70 percent of the people I graduated with are doing this exact same thing. So much for college advancing you right? All I know for now is that I'm avoiding the school supply isle... I can't afford it anyway.